Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
