I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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