she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
