Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
