Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
