I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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