the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
