why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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