my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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