You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
