Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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