my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
