I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Only a mothe r could love this liver
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
