and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
