Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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