Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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