im drinking this country out of the recession.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just found puke in my bra..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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