watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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