Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
