and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
