And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
