whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
