Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
