so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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