OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
