They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
