My room smells like vodka and shame
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
