So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
