Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
