i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
