this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
