I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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