remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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