Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
