Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
