Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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