I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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