ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You need a sexual gate keeper
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
