i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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