I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
