i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
