i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
