I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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