Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
