farters have to be the big spoon...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
