i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
