Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
