Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
