Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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