We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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