The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
