honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
